i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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