Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
