I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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