I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Randomize
