OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
