One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I queefed so loud it echoed.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
