I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
nutella sex= disaster
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
