i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
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Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
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Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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