I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
