....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
