When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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