A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
