4 words: hood of his car
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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