I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
