I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I am available for nakedness
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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