i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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