And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
