He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
