I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
