omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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