i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
