Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
