Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
