Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
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you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
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Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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