just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
