I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
