I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
