Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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