It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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