I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
