Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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