You're my little dorito
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
If I die, sorry about rent.
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