I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
