This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
it hurts more in the daytime
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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