and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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