Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I wish I only lived at night.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
