I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
