hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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