i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
