I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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