Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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