i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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