using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Randomize
