last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
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What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
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That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/