so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
