my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
