I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize