I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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