Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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