im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
