Well apparently he's into motor boating.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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