So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Randomize
