if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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