Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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