my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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