Tell her she can't have a vagina
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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