atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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