idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
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I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
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Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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