Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
