she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
