Moan for me like Helen Keller
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
