I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
