Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
This baby is an asshole
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
