jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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