i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just had sex on a roof
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
