You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
