well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
